I read somewhere once, that Virgo's are good at just about everything they try, but never great at any one thing. I've always been trying to prove that wrong in my life, but have had a hard time about it.
Last night, after packing up half of my room in Sac into the mini van for my step-dad and brother to take home, I went to McDonalds. Gross? Yes. I saw a man inside, elderly, eating alone... And had a realization about what my one thing I'm great at is.
To preface, I have an overflow of empathy. (the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.) I'm overly emotional when it comes to other people, friends, family, strangers' emotions. I become consumed in the bad or sad to the point that it hurts me deeply. I constantly want to fix things for people... and knowing that I cannot comes the one thing I'm the best at.
Because I get so consumed with emotions of my own, and others.. and my own past, the thing I do best in my life, that I am truly great at. Is dissociating. This realization last night sent me in a downward spiral of thoughts. How that's such a disgusting, terribly, beautiful, peaceful thing to be great at. When I know I can't help or deal with the emotions flooding me, I just want to run away from it all. Instead, I go numb. And for the first time, I felt myself go through all the motions last night, and the numbness come over me. I'm fine right now. But that's part of the problem. Haha. Obviously I'm a handful (or ten) of issues, but it was a good thing to go through last night. I also starting my St. Johns Wort up again last night. haha go me.
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