ticking, like a time bomb in my chest, or head..

"The only reason I remembered this play was because it ... had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out. " ---Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar



I've been listening to The Bell Jar audio book, again.. and been thinking a lot about my own... self. hah

- When you come to terms with your own madness, it starts to seem like the world is crazy, not you.

- I can't hear/read about people getting Electroshock Therapy with out getting that hard lump feeling in my throat. I see the faces, the empty eyes that will fill with tears days later when talking about it.

- Some of the most truthful, brilliant things I've ever been told or helped come up with, came from people society deemed "unstable" or "crazy".

- I'm glad my first play back after years of non acting, was School of Jesus Fish. And that I could throw ideas on the table, cuz I know what really happens. That play is beauty.

- I've watched Independence Day over 100 times. Not by choice, and all within a two week time span. I used to be able to recite the lines along with it.

- Haha, I can't during one of the School of Jesus Fish talk backs I told the story about the alien guy I met. I left out seeing alien penis, but it still makes me giggle.

- There is nothing, nothing, like seeing the world for the first time and accepting that it's always been there, you just didn't get it. I still have a hard time with space/distances. I see the sky and things in the distance, and have to really force myself to understand that the sky is around us, and that the distance, is outward and not just a backdrop. But nothing will ever be like the first time I saw the world again.

- Even though I'm about to be 26 in 13 days, and have nothing to show for it outwardly.. no degree, an office job that pays by the hour, and have to move back in with my family... I don't think I could/would take back my years of crazy. I think I have a better idea of what humans are, how the brain works, and have a beauty shinning out from my insides that only falling off the edge, and slowly crawling back up, can get you.

- Sorry for all the heart to blog moments here and lately. I've totally just realized I'm 26 and don't have to hide myself any longer. Hell I'm proud. :)