This is what 26 looks like.

A few selections from the night I went out to The King Fish bar with my Oakland friends for my birthday.

ticking, like a time bomb in my chest, or head..

"The only reason I remembered this play was because it ... had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out. " ---Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar



I've been listening to The Bell Jar audio book, again.. and been thinking a lot about my own... self. hah

- When you come to terms with your own madness, it starts to seem like the world is crazy, not you.

- I can't hear/read about people getting Electroshock Therapy with out getting that hard lump feeling in my throat. I see the faces, the empty eyes that will fill with tears days later when talking about it.

- Some of the most truthful, brilliant things I've ever been told or helped come up with, came from people society deemed "unstable" or "crazy".

- I'm glad my first play back after years of non acting, was School of Jesus Fish. And that I could throw ideas on the table, cuz I know what really happens. That play is beauty.

- I've watched Independence Day over 100 times. Not by choice, and all within a two week time span. I used to be able to recite the lines along with it.

- Haha, I can't during one of the School of Jesus Fish talk backs I told the story about the alien guy I met. I left out seeing alien penis, but it still makes me giggle.

- There is nothing, nothing, like seeing the world for the first time and accepting that it's always been there, you just didn't get it. I still have a hard time with space/distances. I see the sky and things in the distance, and have to really force myself to understand that the sky is around us, and that the distance, is outward and not just a backdrop. But nothing will ever be like the first time I saw the world again.

- Even though I'm about to be 26 in 13 days, and have nothing to show for it outwardly.. no degree, an office job that pays by the hour, and have to move back in with my family... I don't think I could/would take back my years of crazy. I think I have a better idea of what humans are, how the brain works, and have a beauty shinning out from my insides that only falling off the edge, and slowly crawling back up, can get you.

- Sorry for all the heart to blog moments here and lately. I've totally just realized I'm 26 and don't have to hide myself any longer. Hell I'm proud. :)

My life...

I got this awesome new app for my phone's camera called Retro Camera. Yeah, how hip of me. I lets me take pictures with 4 different cameras (My favorite being the pin hole one)

So this is my life

1. Marco's apartment

2. Smoke break

3. Soda at work, which I'm cutting down on.

4. Side of my work

5. Out front of my work.

6. Me at work

7. Porch in Sacramento

8. Marco cooking Indian food

9. My boots on Tuesday

Cuz I love looking back and seeing how badass it was...

3 of my new favorite pics of myself from Julius Caesar.

First one, I'm back as Zombie Caesar, taking over Strato's body, to kill Brutus.

Second one, during in my very very brutal death scene,

Third one, another where I'm taking over Strato, but I'm listening to Brutus talk and just wanna stab him hah.

These were from preview night I think.. as my shirt isn't that bloody, or my face/neck. By closing I was soaked all over. Oh man do I miss this show... Bloody good fun!

Dare I say it?!?

So yes, tumblr has it's perks.. I can post things super quickly.. but it's overwhelming at the same time.. so much to look at.. So I'm back here.. But with a few changes.

I'll still post art. I haven't even updated my tumblr in forever... (the overwhelmingness of it, and my life got to me) So this wont be all art.. Maybe some posts about my life too.. I posted some amazing art and inspirations on here, that I don't want to just fall out of it.

Plus this site is just so much prettier.. and i already have the page looking how i want...

Meh.

What's new you may ask?

-Employment! Working for an amazing visceral manipulation physical therapy office. Seriously my boss/coworkers are amazing. Just the three of us, and it's the best work dynamic ever. Office managing never seemed so good. I enjoy the data entry and billing insurance companies, getting to know the patients and the all around vibe here..

-I did some more shows.. Most recent Julius Caesar (Hail me!) Never before since coming back to theatre have i felt so at peace with a show, and my part. From beginning to end I knew what i wanted to do, how to do it, and the awkwardness just melted away. Except the hands thing. I'm still never sure what normal people do with their hands.

-I'm moving. To Sacramento, into an amazing place with a friend from my one and only year of ATP, and her friend for years. It's a great place, wonderful people, and the energy works.. me living with girls? Yeah I know.. usually I only can live with boys, but this is something special. I'll commute to work, which totally sucks, but i'm willing to do so for this set up.

-Single, mingling, enjoying it. I never spend much time single... so this is new. Shit I'm coming up on 5 months single and it's okay. I don't want to rush into anything and enjoy hanging out with people and finding out more about myself along the way..

-Mentally fabulous. It's a constant battle to keep pushing forward and not get sucked back into the black hole. But another year has gone by with little to no episodes. Learning how to recognize the things that make me panic or start to shift, and how to breathe through them. I took the people who cause damage out of my life, and focus on the good people. You can never say you are fully "healed" from something... as it's always going to be a part of you, even if not an active part.

Mini break

So, personal post.... I put in my 2 weeks at work. Don't know if I've mentioned that yet... I'm working full blast on getting a manual written up explaining what i do, and how to do it... so i will be taking a short break here, to get things settled for work...

again i promise more posts asap. :)

Things are a Changing!

I promise an update soon... Some things are changing soon.. So.. I've been a little behind! But it's all good news!

School of Jesus Fish (Rivived)

“School of Jesus Fish” will play on June 12th, 13th and 19th, 20th, and 21st. Tickets are $12 for students and seniors, $15 for general public. Ticket information will be available at the “City Hall at the Mall” in Fairfield and at www.darkroomproductions.org.

Fairfield, CA (May 31, 2009) — Darkroom Productions’ original staging of “School of Jesus Fish” was presented last fall at Vallejo’s Fetterly Playhouse for the Arts and was considered a huge artistic success. After receiving a grant from the City of Fairfield’s Cultural Arts Awards Committee, Darkroom Productions is elated to bring this production to the Fairfield community.



“School of Jesus Fish,” by Rick Robinson, is a play in two acts that takes place at St. Lucy’s, a psychiatric ward for the mentally disturbed. Robinson delves deep into the lives of the hospitals patients with intense realism, and questions faith-based healing methods versus modern medicine. Anne Fencik, played by Jacqueline Haines, is admitted to St. Lucy’s as she adamantly believes herself to be a messenger of God. Schizophrenia is the immediate diagnosis, but is it true? When she is confronted by patients dealing with issues such as manic-depression and post traumatic stress disorder, she “heals” them. Patients soon agree that she is truly a prophet of god, but the clinicians deny it and stand by their prescriptions. In this face off between faith and pharmaceuticals, we explore the deepest darkest secrets of the tormented people in the mental health systems, who win over our hearts with their honesty and sincerity. Other actors include Matt Larson (Ben), James Olea (Dr. Simon), Angelique Wilkie (Fish), and Stephanie Rivas (Franny).

Note: Parental discretion is advised due to coarse language and adult themes.

***Sorry for the lack of real posts, I was swamped today at work, and am now getting some more time.. But yay for my play reopening!***

Hey There Four Eyes... (or more!)

Source My brother will LOVE these, and they are on Etsy... so that means you can buy them.. WTH HOW AWESOME!




Source




And me. With the glasses I'm in love with and want to make my everyday glasses.

The Good News

Apt 112



An Angel/more of a Shepard.



These thumbs are killing us Dex.



Mmm.. I love Burgers



This door is locked!



You better plug your ears.



Say goodbye Z.



And then we look up!!



Welcome to heaven Dexter!



I live my life in sorrow... cuz mummy and daddy are dead.



Maybe I was the little blur, Z. Maybe.



There is magic in this world!



Falling...



And our wonderful writer/director... Jon Tracy


So I was sick and dying all week! So not fun! But I'm mostly better and back at work... and about to go into the final weekend for my play, The Good News...

I thought I'd post some amazing photographs of how it turned out... Enjoy!

In a Topsy Tuvey World...

All are from here.... Good enough to get it's own post all together.


So my play The Good News, opens this Friday! We've got everything blocked (finally!) and I think I'm off book (finally!) and costumes and lights and sounds will all come together these next two days. I'm so excited for this show, I just hope it comes off the way that it should...

Party Party Time.

Hee Hee...

Loooove my shoes!



I feel like this belongs in a "my life" version of Gossip Girl. Ryan and lady in the back ground.. I got my phone out.. haha. Yeah I'm a nerd.


Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday, more car trouble! But it's okay now, thankfully. I'm working on a better post, but for now here are some recent pics of me at the Flip Cup party a few weeks back. I love my shoes. It was a 90's themed party, but I didn't have time after work to get a good outfit. Next time, I swear I will dress up. All photography was taken by my awesome friend Jeff Ebner, who is amazing with his work.

School of Jesus Fish, reopening!

Our original flyer, designed by the fabulous Rob Dario.
Dr. Simon being a jerk to Anne (hey that's me!) He always wanted to just shut me up.

Anne's "Last Supper" if you will, if pills and water can be a supper.

Irma (Gabby), Debra/Shea (Jen), Dr. Ben (Matt), and Anne (me) goofing off backstage.

So this past fall I was in the amazing play School of Jesus Fish. This was the best show I've ever been a part of. I played Anne, sorta the lead role (score one for me!) and the show was awesome. Not only did every cast member click so well together, but the show was great. The writer even came out to see us perform, and we got quite the media buzz in the Bay Area.

Quick synopsis of the show:
Dr. Benjamin Hamilton's first patient as a therapist at St. Lucy's psychiatric ward is Anne Fencik, a woman who claims she is a prophet -- God's daughter on earth -- perhaps the "second coming." As Dr. Hamilton seeks to cure her, Ann's presence begins to have startling effects on the other psychiatric patients. Is their sudden recovery a result of a psychiatric breakthrough, or of Anne's healing?

Characters:

• Dr. Benjamin Hamilton: Mid-20s. New, uncertain.
• Franny: bi-polar, rapid and impatient
• Dr. Simon Piletti: Upside of forty. A gentle man when things are going his way, but no question he is in charge.
• Anne Fencik: delusional (?) but quite lucid.
• Irma: obsessive-compulsive with schizophrenic tendencies
• Karen Fishback: ex-musician, suffers from periodic visual hallucinations
• Debra: diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder
• Sam: 20 years old and tormented by auditory hallucinations
• Shea Fishback: sister of Karen. Professional musician

The show was extremely difficult for us doing it, hitting some strong subjects. Religion and mental disorders. And allowed the audience to make it's own decisions on if I was crazy, or really some sort of profit from god. Many of us in the show have had our lives touched by someone (if not ourselves) with some sort of mental illness, and that can make a very rough and emotional time during rehearsals and performances. We were all so very supportive of each other, and I hope most if not all of the original cast can come back for this reopening of our wonderful show.

Camera Phone Goodies

1. Yesterday as I work on getting my script and voice ready to be the narrator for our work instructional videos.
2. Sitting outside the office on my break. There are so many leaves falling today. It's totally raining leaves like crazy!
3. The ridiculous hi-tops I got for X-Mas. they are so ridic it's crazy.