ticking, like a time bomb in my chest, or head..

"The only reason I remembered this play was because it ... had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out. " ---Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar



I've been listening to The Bell Jar audio book, again.. and been thinking a lot about my own... self. hah

- When you come to terms with your own madness, it starts to seem like the world is crazy, not you.

- I can't hear/read about people getting Electroshock Therapy with out getting that hard lump feeling in my throat. I see the faces, the empty eyes that will fill with tears days later when talking about it.

- Some of the most truthful, brilliant things I've ever been told or helped come up with, came from people society deemed "unstable" or "crazy".

- I'm glad my first play back after years of non acting, was School of Jesus Fish. And that I could throw ideas on the table, cuz I know what really happens. That play is beauty.

- I've watched Independence Day over 100 times. Not by choice, and all within a two week time span. I used to be able to recite the lines along with it.

- Haha, I can't during one of the School of Jesus Fish talk backs I told the story about the alien guy I met. I left out seeing alien penis, but it still makes me giggle.

- There is nothing, nothing, like seeing the world for the first time and accepting that it's always been there, you just didn't get it. I still have a hard time with space/distances. I see the sky and things in the distance, and have to really force myself to understand that the sky is around us, and that the distance, is outward and not just a backdrop. But nothing will ever be like the first time I saw the world again.

- Even though I'm about to be 26 in 13 days, and have nothing to show for it outwardly.. no degree, an office job that pays by the hour, and have to move back in with my family... I don't think I could/would take back my years of crazy. I think I have a better idea of what humans are, how the brain works, and have a beauty shinning out from my insides that only falling off the edge, and slowly crawling back up, can get you.

- Sorry for all the heart to blog moments here and lately. I've totally just realized I'm 26 and don't have to hide myself any longer. Hell I'm proud. :)

Cuz it's Aug.

“If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad.” — Sylvia Plath

Listening to The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath audiobook, again. It's just that time of the year. God its amazing.

Promise promise!

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...



Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.

Source
Source unknown. looks like a Post Secret
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind video ft Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
Quotes from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I love/hate when a movie makes me feel such an overflow of emotions. Eternal Sunshine does that to me. The whole damn thing, everything about it. I find myself quoting Joel's line about dying right there, in my head. And just putting this post together, especially the finding the video and the quotes, had me bawling my eyes out behind my desk. I have 5 min to clean myself up ... haha.

Cuz my stuffed animal *is* named Smatchymo, the trumpeter

Paula Small: What were you saying?

Brenden Small: Can we move the flowers?

Paula Small: Before that?

Brenden Small: This meatloaf is dry.

Paula Small: Before that.

Brenden Small: This is 'meatloaf'?

Paula Small: Before that.

Brenden Small: This fish is dry.

__________________________

I freaking love Home Movies... Bye Bye Greasy is my favorite episode.. but they are all sooo good. My brother and I have been known to quote this show for years, and yes my stuffed puppy is named Smatchymo. I've told people before "I think i'm in like with you!" and so amused with the fact that shit show has got my humor down perfectly...

uuuugh.. genius.

quotes from some of my favorite books...

I'm in a quote-y mood today... and a book-y mood as well.

• To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream. --Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar
• In the end, the tortures tearing the Libson girls pointed to a simple reasoned refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them, so full of flaws. --Jeffrey Eugenides The Virgin Suicides
• The mind self-edits. The mind airbrushes. It's a different thing to be inside a body than outside. From outside, you can look, inspect, compare. From inside, there is no comparison. --Jeffrey Eugenides Middlesex
• I don't think that there are any limits to how excellent we could make life seem. --Jonathan Safran Foer Everything is Illuminated
• It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. --Chuck Palahniuk Diary
• Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. --Chelsea Handler Are you there god? It's me Chelsea

When You Stop Searching, They Will Find You...

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Excerpt from an email I got today from a very good friend of mine, that I saw Saturday. It was just a beautiful sentence, about a beautiful moment.

It's All About The Way You Look At Things...

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