Tragically Romantic...

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Last 2 I found on Tumblr randomly, but love the feel of them. I want an adventure day

I need a date...

Second is done by Richard Phillips, and is featured in one of my favorite shows Gossip Girl (haha) I just adore it. But most of his stuff is really a hit or miss with me.

ticking, like a time bomb in my chest, or head..

"The only reason I remembered this play was because it ... had a mad person in it, and everything I had ever read about mad people stuck in my mind, while everything else flew out. " ---Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar



I've been listening to The Bell Jar audio book, again.. and been thinking a lot about my own... self. hah

- When you come to terms with your own madness, it starts to seem like the world is crazy, not you.

- I can't hear/read about people getting Electroshock Therapy with out getting that hard lump feeling in my throat. I see the faces, the empty eyes that will fill with tears days later when talking about it.

- Some of the most truthful, brilliant things I've ever been told or helped come up with, came from people society deemed "unstable" or "crazy".

- I'm glad my first play back after years of non acting, was School of Jesus Fish. And that I could throw ideas on the table, cuz I know what really happens. That play is beauty.

- I've watched Independence Day over 100 times. Not by choice, and all within a two week time span. I used to be able to recite the lines along with it.

- Haha, I can't during one of the School of Jesus Fish talk backs I told the story about the alien guy I met. I left out seeing alien penis, but it still makes me giggle.

- There is nothing, nothing, like seeing the world for the first time and accepting that it's always been there, you just didn't get it. I still have a hard time with space/distances. I see the sky and things in the distance, and have to really force myself to understand that the sky is around us, and that the distance, is outward and not just a backdrop. But nothing will ever be like the first time I saw the world again.

- Even though I'm about to be 26 in 13 days, and have nothing to show for it outwardly.. no degree, an office job that pays by the hour, and have to move back in with my family... I don't think I could/would take back my years of crazy. I think I have a better idea of what humans are, how the brain works, and have a beauty shinning out from my insides that only falling off the edge, and slowly crawling back up, can get you.

- Sorry for all the heart to blog moments here and lately. I've totally just realized I'm 26 and don't have to hide myself any longer. Hell I'm proud. :)

Nicki Minaj is a badass

Bottoms Up By Trey Songz ft The Queen that is Nicki Minaj

The song is pretty boring, until 2:25 when Nicki comes in and kills it. Seriously I can't get enough of her right now, and am dying for her album to drop on November.

I tried to find the quote from The Virgin Suicides (book) that talks about Lux scanning the radio for her favorite song. And she says something along the lings of "You know they are playing it somewhere, it kills me" or something. That's how I am. I heard this song last weekend, and all i want is to hear it again. Cuz I think Nicki Minaj is just such a bad ass chick rapper, and she's always so fucking good.

Write it out.

Random Tumblr finds. Sources unknown.

Find your place...

San Gennaro Source

Marie Source

I can only dream of being as beautiful as this book/movie...

Yes. It's that time again. I'm almost done listening to The Virgin Suicides audio book. Next comes watching the movie. Then reading the hard copy. My obsession is crazy, but calming in a way. I just wish there was more to learn. Nothing is as beautiful as that book. And the movie does a darn good job. (with a few mistakes)

Clark Gable by The Postal Service

I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans I rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired (I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd

I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?


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I frakin love this band/song/lyrics/story... I find it sadly romantic and have it on my list of things I want to do before I die. Film a scene that explains my feelings on romance. Whatever that means. hah.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close By Jonathan Safran Foer

Amazon Page

I just finished reading this Monday night, and again am blown away by Jonathan Safran Foer. (He wrote Everything is Illuminated, which I've posted about here before)

Just like Everything is Illuminated, this book can easily make me cray, laugh, reread, want to scream, breaks my heart, rebuilds it back up... all over and over again.

“I pointed her index fingers toward each other and slowly, very slowly, moved them in, the closer they got, the more slowly I moved them, and then, as they were about to touch, as they were only a dictionary page from touching, pressing on opposite sides of the word “love,” I stopped them, I stopped them and held them there. I don’t know what she thought, I don’t know what she understood, or what she wouldn’t allow herself to understand, I turned around and walked away from her, I didn’t look back, I won’t.”


“Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are.”

“Songs are as sad as the listener.”

These quotes almost make it seem like an all sad book. But it's truly beautiful. About an odd little boy on a mission after his father is killed in the Sept 11th attacks. I'll leave it at that.. Plus there is still a numbers puzzle in the book that I need to figure out... I love puzzles.

Promise promise!

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...



Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.

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Source unknown. looks like a Post Secret
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind video ft Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
Quotes from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I love/hate when a movie makes me feel such an overflow of emotions. Eternal Sunshine does that to me. The whole damn thing, everything about it. I find myself quoting Joel's line about dying right there, in my head. And just putting this post together, especially the finding the video and the quotes, had me bawling my eyes out behind my desk. I have 5 min to clean myself up ... haha.

613 Kinds of Sadness

This was originally posted on Tuesday June 30th... And as I'm currently listening to this audio book... (again) and I know this part is coming up... I had to re post it... This book is so amazingly wonderful. (The movie is good too but the book is a trillion times better) And the audio book makes it even more interesting... Nothing like my commute home with the audio book playing to make me crack up with the people in other cars wondering what's wrong with me.

I get so sucked into books.. but this one... audio book format especially has me crying, laughing, repeating things out loud... rewinding and saying things with the narrator... i hate having to turn it off when i get to my destination.. i want to crawl into the story and see it, clearer then my mind paints it.. i want to live it.. the good and the bad.. I want to touch it... I want to be them. The only other book that captures me this much.. Is The Virgin Suicides...




From the book Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. One of the most amazing books I've ever read. Also made into a movie starring Elijah Wood (though amazing, not as deep as the book.)

The 613 Kinds of Sadness by Brod D.

The following encyclopedia of sadness was found on the body of Brod D. The original 613 sadnesses, written in her diary, corresponded to the 613 commandments of our (not their) Torah. Shown below is what was salvageable after Brod was recovered. (Her diary’s wet pages printed the sadnesses onto her body. Only a small fraction [55] were legible. the other 558 sadnesses are lost forever, and it is hoped that, without knowing what they are, no one will have to experience them.) The diary from which they came was never found.

SADNESSES OF THE BODY: Mirror sadness; Sadness of [looking] like or unlike one's parent; Sadness of [looking] like or unlike one’s parent; Sadness of not knowing if your [body is] normal; Sadness of knowing your body is not normal; Sadness of knowing your body is normal; Beauty Sadness; Sadness of m[ak]eup; Sadness of physical pain; Pins-and-[needles sadness]; Sadness of clothes [sic]; Sadness of the quavering eyelid; Sadness of a missing rib; Noticeable sad[ness]; Sadness of going unnoticed; The sadness of having genitals that are not like those of your lover; The sadness of having genitals that are like those of your lover; Sadness of hands….

SADNESSES OF THE COVENANT: Sadness of God’s love; Sadness of God’s back [sic]; Favorite-child sadness; Sadness of b[ein]g sad in front of one’s God; Sadness of the opposite of belief [sic]; What if? sadness; Sadness of God alone in heaven; Sadness of a God who would need people to pray to Him….

SADNESSES OF THE INTELLECT: Sadness of being misunderstood [sic]; Humor sadness; Sadness of love wit[hou]t release; Sadne[ss of be]ing smart; Sadness of not knowing enough words to [express what you mean]; Sadness of having options; Sadness of wanting sadness; Sadness of confusion; Sadness of domes[tic]ated birds; Sadness of fini[shi]ng a book; Sadness of remembering; Sadness of forgetting; Anxiety sadness….

INTERPERSONAL SADNESSES: Sadness of being sad in front of one’s parent; Sa[dn]ess of false love; Sadness of love [sic]; Friendship sadness; Sadness of a bad convers[at]ion; Sadness of the could-have-been; Secret sadness...

SADNESSES OF SEX AND ART: Sadness of arousal being an unordinary physical state; Sadness of feeling the need to create beautiful things; Sadness of the anus; Sadness of eye contact during fellatio and cunnilingus; Kissing sadness; Sadness of moving too quickly; Sadness of not mo[vi]ng; Nude model sadness; Sadness of portraiture; Sadness of Pinchas T’s only notable paper, "To the Dust; From Man You Came and to Man You Shall Return," in which he argued it would be possible, in theory, for life and art to be reversed…

Cuz my hair is in Leia buns as I type this..

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Facts: I am in love with R2D2. I find him to be adorable, and have since the first time I ever saw the movies as a kid. My friend came over to spend the night, and wanted to play Barbies... I wanted to learn how to become a Jedi.

One of my goals in life is to own a Princess Leia slave girl costume.. and to look damn good in it.

I really wanted Luke and Leia to end up together... and had a hard time accepting that they could not. I actually don't like Han Solo...

You will keep me warm...

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Ida Maria --- Keep Me Warm

Can you feel it

Source - taken from The Virgin Suicides (book)
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like when a hurricane and a tornado collide...

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Source seems to be a movie called Dreamers.. that I MUST see now.

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This light looks good on you.

Minus the Bear - Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse.

One of my all time favorite bands. My guy friends went to see them last night in SF and I'm insanely jealous... This band has a way of touching my heart...

Fuck it... This is all I really want..

1. is basically screen caps with captions from an episode of Gossip Girl.. yeah judge me.
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My current cravings...

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I'm frail, like weight on a leaf..

The Motorcycle Diaries

IMDB
Website

Quotes that really hit me:

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: How is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I never knew?

Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: Even though we are too insignificant to be spokesmen for such a noble cause, we believe, and this journey has only confirmed this belief, that the division of American into unstable and illusory nations is a complete fiction. We are one single mestizo race from Mexico to the Magellan Straits. And so, in an attempt to free ourselves from narrow minded provincialism, I propose a toast to Peru and to a united America.

Miner's Wife: Are you two looking for work?
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: No, we aren't looking for work.
Miner's Wife: No?... Then why are you traveling?
Ernesto Guevara de la Serna: We travel just to travel.
Miner's Wife: Bless you... Blessed be your travels.