Oh, hello there..

Made me giggle.

That girl, she holds her head up so high...

Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl

random video I found on YouTube after I wrote the title to this post and got the song stuck in my head. I enjoyed it. So you enjoy

Girl Moment

I've been single for 8 and a half months now. Fuck. Wow. That's the longest since I've started seriously dating people. What can I say, I'm a serial monogamous, a relationship hopper. It's a good thing I've been single. I've learned a lot about myself, grew more, had a good time. But there is still this part of me that feels empty with out having someone to love. I have so much love to give. This is all rather silly, but I'm addicted to kisses. Sure I love cuddling, and everything else, but kisses are my thing.

Of course I've been re watching the first two seasons of Gossip Girl, and the whole Blair/Chuck story line is my relationship with someone. As much as we care about each other and could work, it just wouldn't, and doesn't. These past months I've been learning that more and more so it's nice to just have the friendship we have, and see how it works out on a tv show.

Meh. This is my "I'm a girl, and I miss having someone pay attention to me" post. Sure people pay attention but it's not the same as what I am craving. Casually seeing someone is nice, I had never done that before. But knowing that someone likes you, but not to the point of wanting to be just with you, sorta weirds me out at times. Granted, sometimes you date people that still see other people while seeing you. arg. Anywho lame girl post end.

Been Sick... Story of my life..

Arg I hate being sick. More then anything. And as messed up as it may sound, I can make myself feel better quite easily, but that's going against so much that I stand for now. (crazy talk. Hey it's my blog, and you'd eventually learn/hear rumors sometime) So I just fight it off.

I still need to figure out my soon to be living situation. My back up plan might become my actual plan. But living in Vacaville could be awesome... I can save some money, less of a commute, cheaper rent, OOOOh I could act! and have more time to paint. Maybe find someone to have creative time with, see my friends more. Be closer to my Pleasanton and Oakland friends. Okay.. This will be okay.

I had so much work to catch up on this morning, since I missed the last two days of work.. But, it's almost done now, after an hour and a half of being here. So back to my normal routine of reading blogs, answering phones, sending faxes, wikipedia-ing and googling anything interesting... BTW girl moment blog coming next. hah.

You know what.. fuck you...

I'm not good with anger, never have been. I always had the feeling that I wasn't allowed to be angry, and it's stuck with me over the years. And after everything, and 5 years of doing well I still don't know how to take it. I'm not really an angry person, when on some accounts it's justified for me to be mad.

Usually I just bottle it up. But it erupts on the inside, and causes more bad than good in the long run. But I'm learning to let it out, a little at a time. To people I trust. Right now this situation as came to a point, where I either bottle it up, or respond with everything brewing inside me for the last... oh my whole life.

I may be the Queen of passive aggressiveness.. But never to the point of actually hurting someones feelings like this. It's not in my nature. And I could of sent that message to you every day for every year I was alive. :/

Cuz it's Aug.

“If I rest, if I think inward, I go mad.” — Sylvia Plath

Listening to The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath audiobook, again. It's just that time of the year. God its amazing.