Promise promise!

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...



Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.

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Source unknown. looks like a Post Secret
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind video ft Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
Quotes from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I love/hate when a movie makes me feel such an overflow of emotions. Eternal Sunshine does that to me. The whole damn thing, everything about it. I find myself quoting Joel's line about dying right there, in my head. And just putting this post together, especially the finding the video and the quotes, had me bawling my eyes out behind my desk. I have 5 min to clean myself up ... haha.

This time baby I'll be bulletproof...

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La Roux --- BulletProof

The fairer sex...

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Joanna Newsom --- This Side of the Blue

Hey, previous blog... lookie what *I* got!

Mwa ha ha Summer has officially started for miss Jack Jack

Summer Goal

Happy Summer!

Last summer I bought a new journal to sketch in and as always, i loose inspiration and get sucked into just writing in it... which in turn, makes it too personal... especially since I wrote entry after entry about my last break up and how much that tore me up... and the resulting great friendship that came out of it...

SO, I'm looking for a smaller notebook to carry with me (and a pencil, eraser and pen) everywhere I go this summer. My phone takes great pictures... and as I'm a visual person, I can take pictures with it of things, to put into the sketchbook. I love my old journals that were image entries of my life... and how I was feeling/what I was doing... So I'm going to start again. Probably will still write in the old one... but this is my first summer after so many life changes... Single, living in Sac, mentally doing well for a while. (This will be my 5th year off meds, and I firmly believe my 5th year free of my Aug breakdown. I want to capture the world in illustrations. The world I see.

then hopefully i can scan and post some of the entries here..

in other news, it's fraking cold in my office and my head is all foggy.. meh!

613 Kinds of Sadness

This was originally posted on Tuesday June 30th... And as I'm currently listening to this audio book... (again) and I know this part is coming up... I had to re post it... This book is so amazingly wonderful. (The movie is good too but the book is a trillion times better) And the audio book makes it even more interesting... Nothing like my commute home with the audio book playing to make me crack up with the people in other cars wondering what's wrong with me.

I get so sucked into books.. but this one... audio book format especially has me crying, laughing, repeating things out loud... rewinding and saying things with the narrator... i hate having to turn it off when i get to my destination.. i want to crawl into the story and see it, clearer then my mind paints it.. i want to live it.. the good and the bad.. I want to touch it... I want to be them. The only other book that captures me this much.. Is The Virgin Suicides...




From the book Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. One of the most amazing books I've ever read. Also made into a movie starring Elijah Wood (though amazing, not as deep as the book.)

The 613 Kinds of Sadness by Brod D.

The following encyclopedia of sadness was found on the body of Brod D. The original 613 sadnesses, written in her diary, corresponded to the 613 commandments of our (not their) Torah. Shown below is what was salvageable after Brod was recovered. (Her diary’s wet pages printed the sadnesses onto her body. Only a small fraction [55] were legible. the other 558 sadnesses are lost forever, and it is hoped that, without knowing what they are, no one will have to experience them.) The diary from which they came was never found.

SADNESSES OF THE BODY: Mirror sadness; Sadness of [looking] like or unlike one's parent; Sadness of [looking] like or unlike one’s parent; Sadness of not knowing if your [body is] normal; Sadness of knowing your body is not normal; Sadness of knowing your body is normal; Beauty Sadness; Sadness of m[ak]eup; Sadness of physical pain; Pins-and-[needles sadness]; Sadness of clothes [sic]; Sadness of the quavering eyelid; Sadness of a missing rib; Noticeable sad[ness]; Sadness of going unnoticed; The sadness of having genitals that are not like those of your lover; The sadness of having genitals that are like those of your lover; Sadness of hands….

SADNESSES OF THE COVENANT: Sadness of God’s love; Sadness of God’s back [sic]; Favorite-child sadness; Sadness of b[ein]g sad in front of one’s God; Sadness of the opposite of belief [sic]; What if? sadness; Sadness of God alone in heaven; Sadness of a God who would need people to pray to Him….

SADNESSES OF THE INTELLECT: Sadness of being misunderstood [sic]; Humor sadness; Sadness of love wit[hou]t release; Sadne[ss of be]ing smart; Sadness of not knowing enough words to [express what you mean]; Sadness of having options; Sadness of wanting sadness; Sadness of confusion; Sadness of domes[tic]ated birds; Sadness of fini[shi]ng a book; Sadness of remembering; Sadness of forgetting; Anxiety sadness….

INTERPERSONAL SADNESSES: Sadness of being sad in front of one’s parent; Sa[dn]ess of false love; Sadness of love [sic]; Friendship sadness; Sadness of a bad convers[at]ion; Sadness of the could-have-been; Secret sadness...

SADNESSES OF SEX AND ART: Sadness of arousal being an unordinary physical state; Sadness of feeling the need to create beautiful things; Sadness of the anus; Sadness of eye contact during fellatio and cunnilingus; Kissing sadness; Sadness of moving too quickly; Sadness of not mo[vi]ng; Nude model sadness; Sadness of portraiture; Sadness of Pinchas T’s only notable paper, "To the Dust; From Man You Came and to Man You Shall Return," in which he argued it would be possible, in theory, for life and art to be reversed…

WANT!

the 16 bit... of course! I need a new zippo

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Showing a little pride

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Video : I used to watch this video all the time growing up... I still listen to the song constantly so awesome.

Adorably geeky item

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Stationary that looks like Icons? Ugh i think they are adorable and would use these all the time...

fuck i love bold outlines to things...

Cuz my stuffed animal *is* named Smatchymo, the trumpeter

Paula Small: What were you saying?

Brenden Small: Can we move the flowers?

Paula Small: Before that?

Brenden Small: This meatloaf is dry.

Paula Small: Before that.

Brenden Small: This is 'meatloaf'?

Paula Small: Before that.

Brenden Small: This fish is dry.

__________________________

I freaking love Home Movies... Bye Bye Greasy is my favorite episode.. but they are all sooo good. My brother and I have been known to quote this show for years, and yes my stuffed puppy is named Smatchymo. I've told people before "I think i'm in like with you!" and so amused with the fact that shit show has got my humor down perfectly...

uuuugh.. genius.

I feel the inspiration brewing...

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Top 12 Most Controversial Games

Top 12 Most Controversial Games

wow.. some of these are nuts... and i sorta want to play them!

Art-e-Facts: 5 Random Art Facts XIII

Art-e-Facts: 5 Random Art Facts XIII

Ooooh.. very neat.. but this is the stuff that interests me.. Also, i'm more into the Memento Mori that is actual photographs taken of the dead... like from the Victorian Era.. that stuff is creepy and amazing at the same time..

Oh and am I the only person who just doesn't get cubism? yeah it's cool.. and you'd think someone like me.. who feels so detached and sectioned off... would connect with something like that... i just... don't enjoy it for some reason.. Meh. to each their own.

maybe tonight.... I'll finally paint!

Rant

Okay so I will admit, I thought Tila Tequilla was hot when I first saw everyone on Facethejury.com faking as her... and yes, I have a few of her "songs" on my ipod, cuz they are ridic and funny, and yes I watched her stupid MTV shows (reality tv when bored... don't judge) But I never claimed to be a fan.. or to really enjoy her... I felt bad for her on her show, just cause it all seemed so fake, she seemed fake, and i just wanted to shake her and say "be yourself, you can find someone to love you for you! stop this act and cover your nips!"

Of course since then she's become a crazy person on the Internet and tweeting all sorts of junk and just a HOT MESS... she's pulled some crazy shit and usually i just say "meh" and move on.. but her latest shenanigan really gets my goat.. and i'm pretty freaking upset with her utter lack of common sense..

She has been claiming lately to have a "2nd personality" named Jane.. and that Jane is trying to kill her.. that she fell asleep and woke up with cuts all over her body, and blood everywhere... she then TWEETS about it and posts pictures and videos.. never once calling the cops. She gets upset when her fans question her, and even more upset when some of them actually called the cops to go to her house.. where they found no cuts on her, and what looks like fake blood. They left her with a warning, and she goes right back to Tweeting about the whole situation.

okay.. whoah whoah whoah.. this isn't just crazy antics anymore.. this is her actually offending me. and I believe she will be/should be 51/50'd as soon as possible..

If she's faking... and doing all of this for attention, well that's 1 really rude and sorta sad.. But there is still something going on in her head that thinks that pulling a stunt like this... is OKAY to do for attention.. when it's not. at all. ever.

if she is actually dealing with mental stuff, and has an alter, especially one who is dangerous to her.. well then... YOU NEED HELP. Hell it could really be true that she does. But even if i try to believe her, then she obviously knows that something is wrong, and needs to get help asap. for her own safety and others. And I'm pretty sure miss TV reality star will be able to get into a good 51/50 hospital and not some of the places I've seen.

I am having the feelings I did for Britney Spears when she had her break down and shaved her head... I wanted to write her to say "Hey, it's okay.. I know it's hard, but everyone breaks down, emotionally... mentally... some more extreme then others.. and it will be okay, you just have to keep going.. one day at a time...." But with this Tila stuff.. it's so hard to know if she's just faking the whole thing, and if she is... i feel she still needs to get help for being able to think that it's a normal thing to fake something like that..

this is a stupid pointless rant.. but to me.. it hits very close to home.

Cuz my hair is in Leia buns as I type this..

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Facts: I am in love with R2D2. I find him to be adorable, and have since the first time I ever saw the movies as a kid. My friend came over to spend the night, and wanted to play Barbies... I wanted to learn how to become a Jedi.

One of my goals in life is to own a Princess Leia slave girl costume.. and to look damn good in it.

I really wanted Luke and Leia to end up together... and had a hard time accepting that they could not. I actually don't like Han Solo...

Cuz if you read it, it's true... right?

I obsess over books, stories... the idea of something solid... What does that even mean.. Solid. I'm on this never ending journey to find something solid, in a world full of liquid moments, and electrical shocks. Sudoku.. that's a solid. Judge all you want, but I pour myself into those silly number puzzles, cuz it's real. There is a certain way it must be finished, and nothing else will get you across the goal line. So I find a book that will suck me in... Where I can just zone out this world and enter another. Probably the best thing I know how to do. All of me. Ha. Me.

I love the way words look.. (sound is another story) I have The First Five by Henry Rollins with SO many page marks, of passages and lines, and quotes that I just NEED to make some art to. If not having the words on the painting.. but just being inspired by them...

The above pictures are collected from all over, fuck sources right now. I don't care.. but each has a different font, emotion, story to it... There is a connection to each one from all of me.

It's been about a month since the last time I really painted anything... and there is that feeling that I'm used to, from inside out. It's crawling up and out and I really need to get to work on something. I would really go back to being crazy with out art. heh. Best medication on the planet for someone like me. Or just me. Ha. Me.

I'm the crazy bitch around here...

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Pointless Post

i'm frakking tired... I had quite a fun weekend, and got to catch up on sleep.. but today.. right now i'm tired... good thing i have this large soy chai latte.. that i will be chugging shortly to wake me up.


I really need to start collecting shows on dvd.. I watched the whole first season of GG...and now I'm back to the first season of Home Movies... Which yes, makes me die laughing every time... but I need some new seasons/shows.

rar... nap time yet?

You will keep me warm...

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Ida Maria --- Keep Me Warm

Tiny Treasures...

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TrueBlood is back in a few weeks!

quotes from some of my favorite books...

I'm in a quote-y mood today... and a book-y mood as well.

• To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream. --Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar
• In the end, the tortures tearing the Libson girls pointed to a simple reasoned refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them, so full of flaws. --Jeffrey Eugenides The Virgin Suicides
• The mind self-edits. The mind airbrushes. It's a different thing to be inside a body than outside. From outside, you can look, inspect, compare. From inside, there is no comparison. --Jeffrey Eugenides Middlesex
• I don't think that there are any limits to how excellent we could make life seem. --Jonathan Safran Foer Everything is Illuminated
• It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. --Chuck Palahniuk Diary
• Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. --Chelsea Handler Are you there god? It's me Chelsea

So say we all...

Finally got to watch some BSG last night... it'll take me forever to watch the whole series, and movies, and everything that came after.... I think I'm half way through the 3rd season at the moment... But, after a month of waiting for my friend to get the next netflix disc... I can say it was worth the wait.

I'm terrible to watch shows with. At least I fit well with the one person I watch most of them with, we like subtitles at all times, and pausing for snacks, and smoke breaks, and to just discuss what the fuck is happening, or confirming thoughts, or just rants... It's nice.

... and I still want Starbuck's tattoo... Just sayin..

Found it spilling from your face...

Band of Horses --- Our Swords

i can tell that we are gonna be friends...

TOTORO!!!!!