Can you feel it

Source - taken from The Virgin Suicides (book)
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Like a delicate flower..

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If i dont write it down or take pictures... I'll forget..

Last night:
-Drove out to Berkeley with Gillian and had a great talk.
-Ate La Vals with her and Lee.
-Got verbally and semi physically attacked by an old crazy man with a giant backpack and no sense of personal space.
-Saw 12th Night, twas amazing, and Sarah was fantastic!
-Drove to the King Fish with Sarah to meet Colin, to find my friend Sean from Fairfield there, and then Taz and Lynell showed up! <3
-Had a great night of my worlds colliding.

Looks like my move is happening tomorrow, with the help of my brother, step dad, and the mini van. Right now I'm just getting everything prepared for loading, and thinking about what to do with my last night actually living in Fairfield. It's not like I wont be around all the time, I work here.. My family is here, I have friends here.

I've moved so many times in the last 5 years... I'm used to it.. There is nothing like the feeling of decorating your room again in a new place. I'm giddy with excitement..

At those moment from where I sit, none of it seems real..

I have a big night planned, dinner with Gillian and Lee, seeing 12th Night with them. Us all meeting up with some of my Oakland friends to hit up my favorite bar... it all sounds like so much fun...

But right NOW... this instant... I am looking out the window in my office, seeing the wind blowing through the field on the other side of the parking lot.. and the trees... and I have the biggest urge to go to a park and just play. Run around and swing, and climb until I'm completely worn out and need to lay on a blanket in the grass and stare at the clouds.

There are some other things that need to be factored in of course.. it needs to be warm outside, sun shining, not too much wind, so my allergies don't kill me... and some sort of good music being played, either out loud or just in my head... hmm

Fat Kid Day.

I don't normally eat breakfast, but my mom was up and making it for my step dad when I was getting ready for work... soo on top of my normal coffee and cigarettes.. i had a piece or two of bacon.

I got to my mom's house for lunch today, and she opens the door with those magic words "3 minutes til mac n' cheese"... she puts extra cheese in it.. and it's amazing..

I'm not back at work for more then 6 minutes when the next patient walks in with a peace offering for being late... a whole box of Senorita bread... my boss eats one.. says it's good... and tells me I should eat some.. All the while, I'm eyeballing that box like it's the god damn holy grail.

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I already ate 3. He's going to mock me, but whatever. THEY ARE SO GOOD! I don't like sweets, and usually eat small portions, or rather healthy... so this is my fat kid day for sure... I'm not even hungry and I just couldn't help but eat 3!

like when a hurricane and a tornado collide...

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Source seems to be a movie called Dreamers.. that I MUST see now.

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We will draw the curtain and show you the picture

Tomorrow night I'm going to see Impact Theatre's Twelfth Night by Shakespeare.

I did a show (See How We Are based on Antigone) at this theatre last year, and fell in love with the venue (under La Val's Subterranean Pizza), the company (only doing new plays by emerging play writes, and amazing altered Shakespeare) and the crew (The stage manager from SHWA, Sarah is one of my dear friends, and in the first two photos, Seth was in SHWA, and featured in the last photo, and Melissa who was are artistic director, is directing this one!)

More photos can be found at both the website (link attached above) and on their facebook site.

I am ever so excited to go see this, as I love the story, and seeing it set in modern Hollywood sounds perfect. Plus any show that you can bring your food and beer downstairs to enjoy while watching, is good by me!

BTW my favorite bar ever is not far from the theatre, and a required stop for me whenever I go to the Berkeley/Oakland area! Gotta love the King Fish!

This light looks good on you.

Minus the Bear - Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse.

One of my all time favorite bands. My guy friends went to see them last night in SF and I'm insanely jealous... This band has a way of touching my heart...

I can never have too much..

Random Tumblr photos I've saved...

Fuck it... This is all I really want..

1. is basically screen caps with captions from an episode of Gossip Girl.. yeah judge me.
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My current cravings...

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I'm frail, like weight on a leaf..

Sew it up tighter...

note to self. shitty poetry that feel soooo good to get out into words, into space, into their inbox and brain... never gets the point across...

Granted, i sent it a while back, not to get anything out of it.. just to show, how i hold emotions. Hell it's a two way street right? Friends do this sort of thing. Share. Collaborate.

I always want to surround myself with people who have a passion for "the arts". Hell, a passion for anything is good... cuz it shows me that you care about something so deeply it hurts. I do. So i need people around who do too. I want more people to make art with. More zombie love missed connections on craigslist correspondence, more painting nights, more co-op poems, here take this book and do stuff to it, give it back and it'll be my turn.

I live for that sorta junk.

What's the commotion?

Source and more pictures

Ya gotta go to the source and see these images at the larger size.. it's worth it.. So amazing and scary at the same time.

Dare I say it?!?

So yes, tumblr has it's perks.. I can post things super quickly.. but it's overwhelming at the same time.. so much to look at.. So I'm back here.. But with a few changes.

I'll still post art. I haven't even updated my tumblr in forever... (the overwhelmingness of it, and my life got to me) So this wont be all art.. Maybe some posts about my life too.. I posted some amazing art and inspirations on here, that I don't want to just fall out of it.

Plus this site is just so much prettier.. and i already have the page looking how i want...

Meh.

What's new you may ask?

-Employment! Working for an amazing visceral manipulation physical therapy office. Seriously my boss/coworkers are amazing. Just the three of us, and it's the best work dynamic ever. Office managing never seemed so good. I enjoy the data entry and billing insurance companies, getting to know the patients and the all around vibe here..

-I did some more shows.. Most recent Julius Caesar (Hail me!) Never before since coming back to theatre have i felt so at peace with a show, and my part. From beginning to end I knew what i wanted to do, how to do it, and the awkwardness just melted away. Except the hands thing. I'm still never sure what normal people do with their hands.

-I'm moving. To Sacramento, into an amazing place with a friend from my one and only year of ATP, and her friend for years. It's a great place, wonderful people, and the energy works.. me living with girls? Yeah I know.. usually I only can live with boys, but this is something special. I'll commute to work, which totally sucks, but i'm willing to do so for this set up.

-Single, mingling, enjoying it. I never spend much time single... so this is new. Shit I'm coming up on 5 months single and it's okay. I don't want to rush into anything and enjoy hanging out with people and finding out more about myself along the way..

-Mentally fabulous. It's a constant battle to keep pushing forward and not get sucked back into the black hole. But another year has gone by with little to no episodes. Learning how to recognize the things that make me panic or start to shift, and how to breathe through them. I took the people who cause damage out of my life, and focus on the good people. You can never say you are fully "healed" from something... as it's always going to be a part of you, even if not an active part.